There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
