When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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