i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
