I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
