We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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