maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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