i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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