Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
