No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
