Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
