you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
