apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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