"it" just moved
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
