um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
