The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
