btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
