I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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