Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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