Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
