We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
