In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My breasts were aching with rage.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
