i just had sex bonerless
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
