I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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