The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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