i think i have two assholes
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
