During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
