Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
