Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
