Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
