1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
