It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
