Already got asked if we're dating
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
