It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
