4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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