I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
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