You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
