What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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