non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
This is my gift to your gina
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
