I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
