Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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