The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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