do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
