i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize