At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
