I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You pole danced in your parka.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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