Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
How external is "for external use only"?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
