Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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