Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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