Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
