I'm so fucking centered right now
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
