Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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