im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
