I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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