Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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