his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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