The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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