i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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