it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
