at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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