would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The uberlube is also flammable
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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