I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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