u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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