fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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