oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
its not stalking. its research.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
