3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
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My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
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Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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