Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
