and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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