Plan B is the new Plan A
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
