Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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