I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
