I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
