the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
