every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
