Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
