first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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