This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
