Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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