mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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