when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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