don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
