I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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