I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
