I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
