I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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