No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
