Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
