i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
