i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
