We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
