It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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