Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
